So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
