out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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