Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
