it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
3pm strippers are depressing
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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