I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Holy sore nipples Batman
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize