so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
