This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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