Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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