oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
