he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
