YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
