you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i will never coherently bang her
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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