I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
