hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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