I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
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