Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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