my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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