i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
