You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
