I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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