That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
