I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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