the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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