I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
