if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize