Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
