like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
We left the knife in your bed.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
