you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
