Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize