The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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