I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
my poor anus
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
