I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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