Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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