I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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