so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
