If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
