So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
