I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
