Umm I'm too high to move.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
