i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
