apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
