Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize