pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
