If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
