What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
