Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
