I heard we made out
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
