I cockslap morals
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
