I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
