last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
