Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
