It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
