She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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