pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize