I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
