note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
