Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I love you. Go after that dick
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
