He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
