The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
