Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
