You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
