Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
