If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
