Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
FUCK WHALES
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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