where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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