and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
